only way out

Mid-December, I'm lost in a memory:

You told me to pack my things and leave.

You finally chose to use your words,

for an ending you found fitting.

You saw me, bruised and bloodied

yet you still sent me running.

I wish the flashes would disappear

but when I close my eyes, I see him near.

His face suspended above mine,

telling me this just isn’t right.

But I was nowhere to be found,

somewhere else, lost in a dream.

My glazed eyes captured what I didn’t see.

I ran into another’s arms 

hoping to be stitched back up.

We were both running from something

running from someone, running from Ourselves.

We pulled each other apart - 

How strange to see your reflection in such a peculiar way.

I wish the flashes would disappear

but when I close my eyes, I hear him near.

His voice still echoes in my head,

telling me I’d gone and ruined everything.

But I was nowhere to be found,

somewhere else, lost in a dream.

My glazed eyes showed me what I didn’t see.

Now I’ve stopped running

and I’ve cleaned myself up:

My body is a fortress built by fear.

How did you not see?

How did you not know me?

I screamed for help but I trapped myself

now I’m my only way out.